You'll find me under entry # 22
I've just got back from vacation so I've lots of catching up to do on all the stories posted there as well as all your blogs. I'll do my best to get round to you all within the next few days.
Our Father who Art in Heaven.........
"Jimmy, hurry up! Stop messing about with your cereal"
Jimmy stared at his bowl, reluctantly bringing the spoon to his mouth. His stomach struggled to digest the soggy cornflakes.
Two minutes later, his mom grabbed the half-finished bowl.
"Shoes on. We're off."
-
"What's the matter with you? Don't you realise how lucky you are? I thought you loved camping!"
Jimmy's non-blinking eyes stared at the unseen landscape as the car sped forward.
"Thank God Fr. Grant organises these trips for you boys. How on earth could I afford to send you on vacation otherwise? You should be so grateful to him."
-
"Grab your bag. Come on, the bus won't wait for you!"
Jimmy flinched as he felt the warm hand touch his shoulder. He visualised Fr. Grant's sly grin without looking up. With eyes glued to his own shabby shoes he pulled his battered bag behind him, oblivious to the laughter and shouts of the other boys.
Soft snores rang in his ears as Jimmy felt his alert body being carried silently from the crowded tent. His trembling fingers closed instinctively over his pyjama pocket.
God's blood, he called it, as he slowly filled two glasses. Shed for us sinners, he said.
The rat poison mingled beautifully with the wine as the priest turned his back to remove his white collar.
Stumbling in the dark in a rush to return to the safety of the boy's tent, Jimmy knew the truth would - at last - be revealed.
Margaret - That's you? I read and felt so sad after reading. I think there's a special circle in Hell for these guys...
ReplyDeleteBy the way, glad you're back. How was home?
ah... religion... well, i dont say much about it because if I do, i think i'll offend people... are you religious Margaret?
ReplyDeleteby the way, how was home? i hope you had a good time... i wrote a hindi poem on my blog. do go through it... i have tried to translate it there too... i hope the home trip was good and that you are feeling good...
Glad you are back. How was home?
ReplyDeleteCan't tell you how I felt after reading your story. Felt impotent with helplessness and rage.
@ Karen
ReplyDeleteYes, it's me! I thought I'd write something completely different to my usual poems. I know it's an ugly topic but sadly it goes on and I feel it shouldn't be pushed under the carpet.
Had a lovely time at home, thanks.
@ Lala
Yes, I'm religious. I had catholic upbringing but there are some things in the catholic church that I don't quite agree with.
I enjoyed being home again, lovely to see all the family esp. my dad. Looking forward to reading your poem very soon. I'm certain I'll love it.
@ Aparna
Thank you, I'm glad to be back too. As lovely as it is to go home it's just as lovely to come back to my home here, my husband & girls.
Yes, I know how you feel after reading my story. Whenever I read anything like this it leaves me with a burning rage too. But as I said to Karen, it does happen and needs to be talked about openly so that in future the victims loose the fear of telling their parents.
Your flash-fiction pieces moves quite well for the 250-word maximum. I would've separated the scenes with something other than white space and a dash. Put something larger in its place to make the reader know that "okay" we're switching scenes. I know its something minor, but I think it would work beautifully with your story. You could even separate your scenes with Chpt 1, Chpt 2, or Chpt 3.
ReplyDeleteUghh, I hate typos - should read "piece" not "pieces". Perhaps its subliminal.
ReplyDeleteNishant thanks for the warm welcome back. I can imagine Diwali to be a great occasion to get family pics.
ReplyDeleteIt's 2 months now since I posted pics on my "Come Along" blog. I'll really have to get something new on it soon.
Sorry for making you sad with this post.
JR.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts to my story here as well as on Jason's blog.
I see the point you're making about separating the scenes. Will keep it in mind next time - thanks a lot.
I really loved the complexity of your piece here, Margaret. How much was repressed beneath his silence. Some things just can't be told.
ReplyDeleteThe removal of the priest's collar got me the most. Like God wouldn't see him, then.
Very well written and conceived, my friend.
Sarah - Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to convey when I wrote about him removing his white collar.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your insights on my 2nd attempt at short story fiction. Your positive comment really chuffed me. :D